The holidays

Several folks have mentioned that they still occasionally check this blog so I thought I would let you know that I'm doing "okay".

Conventional wisdom says that holidays are the hardest times when we lose someone we love. This seems true to me. I'm so fortunate though that I have wonderful daughters and family and friends to help, and of course I have Charlie and he is a wonder. He is laughing now and seems to recognize me when he sees me. He's two months old, growing like crazy, and changing every day.

As the Christmas season begins, I am focused on my joys. There are still tears, as you would expect, but my energy is concentrated on my many blessings.

May your holiday be filled with happy memories and may you be surrounded by people that you love.

What next?

It is difficult to envision our life without him when we lose someone we love so much. It has been 3-months since Bob died and I thought I'd be doing much better by now and that planning a California memorial would be a good thing but that just isn't the case. In many ways I really am doing well, especially since dear Charlie was born, but the feelings of grief and loss are still overwhelming. I still have too many times when my emotions are raw to think of having another memorial service at this time.

Thank you for your sympathy, support, and caring. It helps. It really does.

Robert Charles Weidenfeller

Please help us welcome

Robert Charles "Charlie" Weidenfeller
October 3rd, 12:31 pm
8lb 11oz, 20"





We thought you'd all enjoy seeing pictures, and knowing that this new life has come to join our family. We couldn't be happier! Charlie is happy and healthy, and so are Katy and Scott!

The Blog Tradition Continues

http://theycallmejellybean.blogspot.com/

California Memorial

Several people have asked us when we will be holding our California memorial for Bob.

Well -- as those who read this blog know, Katy and Scott are going to have a baby in early October. Since Katy's doctor told her that air-travel in these last weeks is not advised, we're tossing around the idea of a "memorial/life celebration" in California after the baby is born. Our idea is that this will give us a chance to see people and to exchange stories about Bob with our California friends and family and to introduce our new family member to everyone at the same time.

With that in mind, we are currently considering one day during the weekend before Thanksgiving as a possible date of the memorial/celebration. We will let you know details as they develop.

Thank you -- Verva, Katy and Sarah

Thank You

Thank you so much to everyone who was able to attend Dad's memorial service. It was so wonderful to see so many people there to remember Dad and support each other through a difficult time. For those of you unable to attend, you will be pleased to hear the church was packed, standing room only!

I also thought those of you who couldn't be there would like a look at the photoboards that were on display. Thanks to Cliff Grimm for taking pictures of them! Click on each to see it larger...





I'm not sure if anyone's still checking here, but we're probably not going to update much more. There is a printing company that can turn blogs into printed books, so that's our plan for all of Dad's writing and your wonderful comments.

Thanks again to everyone for really going above and beyond for my whole family during the past six months.

Arrangements

There will be a memorial service Thursday, July 12, 2pm, at Emerson Unitarian Church, 1900 Bering Drive, Houston, TX 77057, near the Galleria. A reception will follow in the church fellowship hall. The service will be led by Matt Tittle, Bob and Verva's minister from Bay Area Unitarian Universalist Church.

If you are traveling from out of town, there are many hotels in the League City area (along Nasa Road One or Hwy 146) to be near the family, or in the Galleria Area to be near the memorial service.

In lieu of flowers, Bob chose two causes near to his heart. The Bay Area Unitarian Universalist Church Capital Campaign supports the building project he was deeply involved in, his last big project in retirement. The Nature Conservancy reflects his love of nature and the outdoors.

Bay Area Unitarian Universalist Church
Attn: Capital Campaign
17503 El Camino Real, Houston, TX 77058
(281) 488-2001 – office@bauuc.org

or

The Nature Conservancy

We are also planning a memorial celebration in California, we will share the details when they are available.

As always, thank you all for your love and support.

The Hardest Post

This morning at 9am, Dad's breathing slowed, and finally stopped. It was very peaceful and he didn't suffer. We wish there was a way to tell all of you in person, to thank you for your support, so you don't have to read this news on a cold computer screen. Your support and love and prayers have helped us through since the news in January, and we know you will continue to keep Dad in your hearts so that he will live on forever.

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"

"Gone where?"

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"

And that is dying.

                                     Henry van Dyke

Rest in Peace, Robert Harold Densmore. 3/22/43 - 7/6/07

4th of July

Bob's heart is strong. On Monday we thought he was ready to let go and to move on but he has his own time schedule and we can only sit with him and be there when that time comes. He may be moved to an in-care hospice facility tomorrow or Friday. He's very weak and sleeps most of the time but we enjoy every lucid moment that we get. He is just amazing.

We have been reading the notes on this blog and they are uplifting. Thank you.

We feel your support

Bob started this blog to help keep his family and far-flung friends in the loop as he dealt with the harsh news of his cancer and with its treatment. I thought it was courageous of him to do this but it was his way. The support and caring we've received from everyone who checks the news has sustained us and we all thank you for each note, email, phone call, and visit.

Bob is comfortable and very peaceful. The truth is, however, I don't think Bob will be able to go home from the hospital. He may surprise us all and that wouldn't be the first time, but for now it looks like he is taking his final journey here at MDACC.

We know that many of you want to help. However, for now, there's nothing anyone can do as we are here with Bob 24-hours a day. If we do need help, we promise to ask.

Either the girls or I will let you know when we have more news.

Hi everyone, Sarah here. Peter and I are just home from seeing Dad up at MDA.

His doctors are doing a lot there to try to help him feel better. He got a massage today, and they've been able to give him some medicine for the pains he's started having in his stomach. We're trying really hard to get him home, but it will be at least another few days.

Reading the post from Tuesday we've decided it was a little misleading. It's a fine line we walk with this blog - so many people check it for news, but it's hard to decide what bits to share, especially when it's not Dad writing. The truth is that the doctors don't think Dad will get strong enough to do another round of chemo. Since this type of cancer is so aggressive, that is really bad news.

We'll try to update here when we can. Please know that all your prayers and comments mean the world to us! It's wonderful to know Dad is so well-loved.

- Sarah

(I know Dad would still write - one day at a time, piece of cake...)

Back at MDA

Just to give everyone a quick update... Dad's back in the hospital today. He went in this morning for his 10th and final radiation treatment (yay!) and then had an appointment with the symptom management doctor. This department at MD Anderson specializes in treating the symptoms that go along with cancer, and can really help make patients feel better. One of Dad's main symptoms right now is gas and bloating in his stomach. This in turn puts pressure on his diaphragm and causes pretty severe shortness of breath when he first stands up. They're going to give him some treatments to reduce the bloating and therefore hopefully the pressure. He's a little grumpy about being in the hospital again, especially since he really feels about the same as he has for a week or so, but he's being a good sport.

Tomorrow Dad's brother John and his wife Barbara arrive for a couple of days, so that's something really good to look forward to.

-Katy

(One day at a time. Piece of cake.)

California Visitors

It has been a wonderful couple of days and we feel surrounded by love. Barbara and Mark’s visit was just what the doctor ordered to lift our spirits. Bob isn’t feeling very well physically and tires easily but he sure did enjoy seeing them. They are the kind of guests that just come in, mow the lawn, come to the doctor with us, fix wonderful salmon dinners, give many hugs, and just make the house feel under control somehow. In other words, they are perfect guests that helped me more than I can say. They headed home today.

The kids were also here a few times in the past couple of days to give their support and love. Mike Esparza was in town from Virginia and came by, too – a life-long good friend we were delighted to see. Busy couple of days but we have an empty nest day today so Bob will probably rest until it’s time to watch the Rice baseball game from Omaha.

Bob enjoys sitting at the kitchen table watching our bird feeder. The table looks out onto our auto court and our sweet little neighbor children McKenna and Tayden added the perfect decoration to the court so now Bob can enjoy their message while enjoying the birds.

Bob’s radiation is more than half over (6-of 10 treatments done) and we are just hoping the positive effects of these treatments will be felt soon. The doctor told us that most people begin to feel some relief between 6-8 treatments which would mean today, tomorrow or Friday. He’s not feeling very well right now. He’s very weak and has a hard time swallowing, but is a real trooper in every way.

He wants me to add: One day at a time. Piece of cake.

Home again home again jiggedy jig

Home again and very glad to say so. Bob thinks that 5-days and nights in the hospital is more than enough. He was x-rayed, cat-scanned, cultured (not like British royalty but like Petri dish germs), infused, transfused, and even poked and prodded. After all of this, we still didn’t learn anything specific about an infection but with 4-pints of wonderful wonderful blood and 3-of 10 radiation treatments completed, he’s on his way to a better quality of life situation. MDA has very nice people who really care about helping Bob feel better but we still are delighted to be out of there.

Barbara and Mark (sister and brother-by-sister) arrive on Sunday for a couple of days. We can hardly wait!!!

Sarah arrived safely home from England. Katy continues to blossom and has very few discomforts from her pregnancy. I am hanging in there and am so so so happy to have Bob home.

Hopefully the next Blog will be from Bob himself.

One day at a time. Piece of cake.

Wednesday morning

Update

Good morning. I just wanted to give you an update on Bob – he’s doing much better this morning than he was just 24-hours ago. As he said in his last blog, he had a doctor’s appointment on Monday. Blood work showed such low hemoglobin that he needed another transfusion. When he got to the transfusion unit he was running a high fever so they sent him to emergency where the doctor decided to admit him into the hospital for “observation”.

Now, on Wednesday morning, Bob has received 3-pints of blood, lots of IV antibiotic, and tests from top to toe. He will get his first radiation treatment today to shrink the tumor and to stop the tumor from bleeding – apparently the cause of the low hemoglobin. I don’t know if they’ll send him home today or tomorrow but it won’t be too soon for me. He’s still not eating easily and hospital food isn’t nearly as yummy as everyone tells you it is. Plus, he misses his new chair.

Sarah comes home tomorrow!! We can hardly wait to see her. Five weeks in England is a long business trip and we all want to give and get some big hugs and hear all about her adventures.

One day at a time. Piece of cake.

Looking forward to Monday

I was hoping the endoscopy on Friday would give me some relief so I could swallow more easily and eat some real food rather than liquids. That didn’t happen. We see the doctor tomorrow (Monday) and I hope he’ll have some ideas about how to proceed. Right now we’re waiting again.

Our day on Monday will begin with blood work and then a doctor’s appointment. We’re getting smart now and taking along everything we need to stay at Katy’s house in case we end up at MDA far into the night as has happened before. Probably just taking everything will mean we’ll finish early enough to head home to our house.

Katy, Scott, and Pippa came here for brunch today. Monday is Katy’s birthday – Happy Birthday Katy.

Best purchase of the week – a zero gravity chair. It’s a very nice chair that saves my back and makes it comfortable to sit and watch TV. I think it’s called a zero gravity chair because it makes me feel like I’m floating.

One day at a time. Piece of cake.

Monday Morning

Big highlight for the week was a music concert in our own house by Beth and Steve Jordan and their friend Cheryl. A while back I’d asked Beth if she’d play my guitar for me because I haven’t ever done it justice. Instead, she brought the band and gave us about an hour long personal concert. Our good friends the Hammens and Peter came over to enjoy it with us. Beth says they will play for ice cream sundaes any time so maybe we can get them to come back sometime.

No news yet. Sometimes waiting for news from the doctor’s office seems like it takes forever. But I’m feeling better today. Just weak. The plan is still to have an endoscope exam early this week and chemo late in the week but it isn’t scheduled so I don’t know exactly when that will happen.

Rice won the regional NCAA baseball tournament this weekend. Super regional begins Friday. Go Rice.

One day at a time. Piece of cake.

Latest News

Visited the doctor today and here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to have another endoscope exam to see what’s going on and maybe help me swallow better. Sometime soon after the endoscope exam I’ll start my new chemo, probably late next week. This protocol is also every two weeks like the last one. Initially we’re going for 8-weeks and a cat scan. If it works, I’ll do it for 8-more and another cat scan and so on. It will stop when the side effects become a problem or the treatment stops working.

Sorry the blog hasn’t been updated much. I had to go to emergency on Tuesday because I was running a fever and infections aren’t something they want me to fool around with. I still think everyone overreacts and I could have just gone to bed and been better in the morning but Verva made me go. She wants me to say that the doctor agrees with her about going to emergency (so here I did that) but I think bed would have been better. Instead, it was a 7 ½ hour trip to MDA with IV antibiotics and x-rays and stuff. Chemo has to wait until all sign of infection is over, too.

One day at a time - piece of cake

Not what we wanted to hear

We went to MDA yesterday full of optimism that the CT scan would show improvement but that’s not the word we got. There was no improvement. In fact in some cases it was worse. Dr Ajani believes that if a regimen isn’t working you change it right away so that’s what we’ll do.

We see him again next week and will probably begin a new set of medications – Avastin, Vectibix, and Erbitux. As Dr Ajani says, these are drugs the cancer hasn’t seen and hopefully they will deliver a punch that the previous ones couldn’t.

We stayed down there for over 13 hours to get two pints of blood. I’m walking a bit easier this morning but can’t tell much difference otherwise. Katy says it’s ironic after all of the blood I’ve donated that I’m now getting some of it back.

One day at a time - piece of cake.

Exercise Program

Who would guess that exercise is the treatment for fatigue. Nagma (my physical therapist) gave me a list of exercises that she wants me to do every day and she said that the more I don’t want to do them the more important it is that I do them anyway. When I arrived at MDA yesterday I really didn’t think I could do a thing. Instead, I did all of the exercises she showed me and survived. We’re going to Academy this morning to get a set of hand-weights and then come home so I can do the exercises.

Chemo effects are still with me.

Here’s a picture of Katy and me that Verva took the other night. Katy is now almost 5-months along. I think she’s beautiful.

One day at a time. Piece of cake.